Happy New Year and I hope you all had an amazing time with your family and close friends. It’s 2018 and time to think about what you will do this year different and get those New Year’s resolutions off the ground. As I do every year I make my full list of what I want to do different this year and go through my goals from the previous year and check off what was completed and what was not. And let me tell you when I say I was running non-stop in 2017 I was running through it like it was no one business.
Last New Year’s I can remember sitting in a restaurant in Slovenia drinking Rakia with my crazy but loved Serbia friend Anja. We laughed, drank, ate, and talked about what we will be doing in 2017 to make it the best year ever. I talked about what I will do when I go back to America and missing my family and friends. Little did I know that in 8 months I would begin the most difficult journey of my life.
I named this blog post reacclimate, which means to change to suit different conditions of life or enviornment. Now for those who know me I try and plan everything out to the T, however this was not on my list at all. I never thought I had to think about getting reacclimated back to my OWN life; such as the language, responsibilities, familiar people that seem like strangers, cleaning (no more ayi) , transportation, gas, work with everyone speaks English, and getting to know a new city.
I remember packing my boxes and shipping them back home thinking about how amazing Florida was going to be. I will be with family, new job, go to the beach, clean air, and of course my favorite thing to do find a good wine bar. I made sure I had a solid savings, place to live, job ready for me to start in July, and last but not least whole summer vacation planned. Well if I didn’t have a gullible outlook on this situation that was about to come, I guess you would call it naive. Because God was laughing at this perfect laid out plan I thought I had.
Once I landed I knew I had to purchase the basic essentials like a bed, mattress, bathroom decoration, car, insurance, food, buy professional clothes, shoes (cause I wore flats all the time and my arch fell cause of it) and ect. But for some reason I couldn’t make a decision about anything. I remember being in the mattress store with my dad looking at beds and I felt like the walls were caving in on me and I couldn’t make a simple decision. I couldn’t breath my anxiety was kicking in and all I could think about is to not look weak and crazy in front of my dad.
Every conversation I had for the next two weeks was, you find a car, what your bedroom set look like, omg you bring anything back from china, you meet anyone, when you start work, why you waiting so long to get a car, when you going to date, what you doing all day, you find friends, what are you coworkers like, when your next trip, who you at happy hour with?
SHITTTTTTT!!!!! CAN I JUST F$%^ BREATH.
It was so many questions about everything I wasn’t able to answer because I had not even gotten over the fact this is a one way ticket and you’re staying in America. No more random nights a MIX, no more bike rides through the hutongs with Anja, walking around SOHO with Chey, drinks with Javier, school laughs and late dinners with Lauren, church on Sunday and brunch with the girls, planning your fantastic expat vacations, It was over and back to reality. It was like I had to literally start my life over as if I just pressed pause on my fantasy dream and woke up where my life stopped.
It was especially hard when you are in a new city and you don’t know anyone so you’re not able to adjust as quickly. It’s also harder because at 34 you’re not really looking for new friends as you have to be more careful who you let into your inner circle. One thing my friends will also say is I’m consistent with is closed doors and a good side eye at the unfamiliar.
As I transitioned to my new life in Jacksonville it was also an adjustment because I started a new job and had to start over getting to know people again in a professional setting. My job is amazing and I absolutely love it, but when I say it was a hardest 3 months omg, I was for real on the struggle bus lol. Having to manage young adult’s fresh out of college was a lot harder than I could ever imagine. I think it was more difficult because I was trying to juggle too many issues at one time including my own.
It wasn’t until Thanksgiving when my whole family came down that I finally felt safe, loved, and welcomed since my time back in America. Everyone from my father’s side came down and it was the most amazing time I have had since being back. I got so caught up in what I missed, what I need, and not think about what I have. Standing in a circle holding hands for family prayer I could feel the positive love and energy surrounding me in one moment that gave me back the energy I needed.
Every day is a new day. I will never forget the people I meet, my amazing Kindergarten babies, my Chinese mom Jessie who was my guardian angel, Lauren who helped me find God again, Chey who always kept me in line, Anja who let me be crazy all the time, and Beijing who showed me how amazing and strong I can be. I’m not letting go of this memory but I am letting go of the wish and dream to go back.
So thinking about my New Year’s resolution was super easy this year because I have so much to look forward to because 2017 with the SHIT!!!!! Not leaving any bad memories behind and can’t wait to make new ones in 2018. I’ll never say New Year New Me cause I LOVE who I am and not changing for anyone just evolving into the Queen I’m supposed to be.
I have 5 things I want to accomplish this year so here we go…….
- Enjoy Florida
- Build my brand for my business
- Start my master no matter what in August in Educational Leadership
- Get healthy (stress is a shape killer)
- Live in my truth
Look out for MORE blog posts this year and I promise you will love them. This blog is not only for my Statement Divas but also a reflection of my brand and my life. As always ladies think about what statement you want to make every day that will make an impact on others.
Until next time…………